TOPICAL TALES

(from F&F#29 and 30 April and July 1999)

A group of topical stories coming out of current events in the Bosnian war of 1998-9. They show how traditional stories are recreated to mirror contemporary events. They also illustrate the grim sense of humour which all people's seem to show in wartime. In 1939-45 we called it the 'Blitz spirit' and thought it was unique to the British, but it isn't.

There is a Balkan tradition of a golden fish which grants wishes when caught but, as the war had been going on for several years, all those fish had already been caught and eaten. One day a Serb, a Croat and a Bosnian were sitting fishing at a pond when, simultaneously, at the same instant, they all hooked a frog and pulled it out.
The frog said "If you let me go I'll grant you three wishes."
This set the fishermen fighting and arguing for hours and days about who was to have the wishes until, at long last, they stopped and agreed they'd have one wish each.
"I wish all the Croats were dead!" shouted the Serb. The frog croaked.
"I wish all the Serbs were dead!" shouted the Croat. The frog croaked again.
The Bosnian sighed and said to the frog "Have those wishes been granted?"
"Of course" replied the frog.
"Then, in that case, I'll just have a cup of coffee."

In a ruined town in Bosnia a Muslim family was carefully picking its way along the street - Mother was in the lead, the daughter twenty yards behind and father twenty yards behind that. The Imam came out of his ruined mosque and looked at the strange procession:
"Excuse me" he said "There's nothing in the Koran which says that you have to walk like that."
"No" said the husband "But when the Koran was written there weren't all these **!$* landmines about."

It was a winter's day in Sarajevo. Those who had winter clothes were wearing them. A primary school teacher was teaching in his ruined classroom. There was no glass in the windows. He was teaching about the seasons. He turned to a Serb boy, "Milutin, what season do you think it is?" he asked.
"I think it is summer because last week we got a parcel from our relatives in Belgrade and in it were bananas, oranges, lemons and strawberries; so it must be summer." the boy replied.
The teacher next turned to a Croat boy. "Slavan, what season do you think it is?"
"I think it is summer too because last week we got a parcel from our relatives in Zagreb and in it were bananas, oranges, lemons and strawberries; so it must be summer." the boy replied.
Then the teacher turned to a Muslim girl, "Fahra, what season do you think it is?"
The little girl replied "Yes, it must be summer because my aunt came to stay yesterday and she walked all the way from Srebrenica wearing sandals."

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